I’m only 3 scrimmages into my professional basketball career, but it’s painfully obvious so far that these European basketball rules that I was warned about before I came over here are no joke. In fact, the differences between the European “FIBA” game and the American game (how did we let a separate version exist in the first place? Were Americans not the first people bored enough during P.E. to start throwing balls into empty peach baskets?) are even more devastating than advertised.

My Cornell teammates know that I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with referees. When I wasn’t playing much at Cornell during my first thee years, I was in the refs ear so much that I came close to about 4 technical fouls from the bench, yet became friends (by friends I mean a handful of refs knew I was the annoying, curly headed kid on the end of the Cornell bench who had nothing better to do during games than yap at them) with the Ivy League officials. Once I started playing more and started picking up 2 fouls within the first 5 minutes of every game (guess I wasn’t as close with the refs as I thought), I began joking (I was dead serious) that the people who turn to officiating are the members of society incapable of holding down any other job (this obviously isn’t true: while refs from the bigger conferences have a busy schedule that takes up most of their time, many ivy refs have other jobs during the week and travel the northeast by car during the weekends for the love of the game…and the love of some extra dough). 

Anyway, while I respect officials, I never seemed to agree with the American ones (I kind of turn into a jerkface on the basketball court). I don’t think the Euro refs are any worse than American ones, but I think the rules of this strange game they play over here are going to take some getting used to. 

Here’s are some thoughts that came up while chatting on Skype (lifesaver) with a few of my former teammates who are also playing “basketball” overseas: 

1) Traveling: the consensus of our conversation was that the correct interpretation of the FIBA traveling violation is a bigger mystery than what happened to Walt in Lost (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, where have you been for the past 5 years?). Jump stops are mandatory. If you do not exaggerate your jump stop on the catch before you make your move (If you’re having trouble picturing what I’m talking about, imagine how Tom Emanski would tell his kids to execute a jump stop if he were to coach basketball…), it’s an automatic walk. It’s the most anti-American thing I’ve ever seen. When was the last time you saw Lebron stop on two feet on the catch, pause, and then explode to the basket. Everything in the NBA and in college happens in one fluid motion. FIBA rules require players to be stagnant and awkward (This is probably why Dirk Nowitzki was mediocre his first couple of years in the league. He eventually realized he could be an infinitely better basketball player if he added the American jump stop to his game). 

Once you enter the paint, it’s as if you entered a different world where Manu Ginobli is some sort of evil dictator. The rule seems to be (as far as I can tell): If a player picks up his dribble in the paint area, the player has unlimited amount of steps to create space for an open shot. 

2) Fouls: Similar to traveling in that the “rules” could not be more different in the key and out of it. Out of the key, breathing on a guy isn’t permitted, but inside play makes an 80’s Lakers-Celtics NBA Finals look like a Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood episode. It seems a foul has to be so loud that there is an audible “thwap” sound made. I think refs here listen for the foul more than they look for it. This may be out of necessity because a lot of fouls/cheap shots are committed inside the paint area where flying limbs and players are constantly obstructing the officials from having a perfectly clean view at a congested play (this is where I admit refs have an extremely difficult job). 

3) Block/Charge Call: This is my game. Shooting 3s and taking charges. This is also where the European bball gets a bad rep. People think Euro ballers are floppers (I think you know which chain-smoking retired European legend to thank for that). But that is not the beef I have with the system. I think in an effort to curb the stereotype that the international game is riddled with floppers, referees overcompensate by not calling any charges at all. There is a semi-circle in the key, but that rarely comes into play. In my experience so far, players (including myself) have tried taking charges, and not only do they not call the charge (probably to guard against rewarding floppers), they don’t call the block either. This irks the player (in this case…me). Back home, things are usually black or white…either charge or block. Here, there could be a monstrous, career-ending collision under the basket, and the ref will stand there and give you an ambiguous look and the arms extended to the sides “play-on” gesture. If you don’t get the charge call, it usually feels good to be assessed a blocking foul to have something to show for your efforts and your severely swollen elbows.